"You like me, you really, really like me!"

About a hundred years ago, when I still thought I could be a guy, I had a relationship with a woman who ...well, let's just say she had a lot of problems.

Foremost among those problems was the fact that she had a long history of dating real scumbags. Not just your everyday scumbags, you understand; real grade-A, foul-mouthed, violent-drunk, steal-your-money-and-wreck-your-car jerks. She told me more than once that I was the only 'normal' guy she had ever dated. Little did she know...

Anyway, I tried several times to get her to explain what it was about these guys that had attracted her. She was never really able to put her finger on it until one day she said, "I've got it. What attracted me was the fact that they really seemed to like me."

Needless to say, she had some self-esteem issues. But I thought of her one night recently when I was out at a TG club.

I had a couple of guys hitting on me and the overblown compliments were flying every which way. I thought to myself, "Come on, guys... I'm not going to fall for this stuff. I lived as a guy myself, remember? Besides, I'm not even really attracted to men." And yet...

I found myself starting to think, "Hmm. This guy isn't really so bad; he certainly seems nice enough, and he really does seem to find me attractive..." Then it hit me. I finally understood what my old girlfriend had meant.

For her, the fact that a guy seemed to like her and find her attractive played on her general self-esteem problems. For me, it played on my own insecurities about appearance and passability and "fitting in".

Am I really so shallow that all it takes to get me going is to tell me how nice I look and how attracted you are to me?

I guess in some ways we are as vulnerable as that old girlfriend of mine. We may place a high value on ourselves as people, but we're still insecure about our place in society. Anything that appeals to that is extremely attractive.

We have to be careful.