Momentum

Yes, more on the subject of coming out.

I've discovered something interesting over the last few days: this whole process takes on a momentum of its own.

I had originally planned only on telling my sister and my old friends back in Texas. I didn't feel that I was quite ready to let my ex and my son in on what was happening to me; I felt I needed more time to perfect their letters, and more time to build up the courage I would need to press the 'send' button. And I certainly wasn't ready to fill in my friends here in the area!

But then I started getting back wonderful, supportive responses, and the strangest thing happened: I got bolder.

Before I knew it, I was hitting that send button a couple of times every night. To my amazement, I didn't get back a single nasty or reproachful comment. I was awash in good wishes from around the country; to be perfectly honest, it started to become addicted to it!

Thankfully, there was enough of the worrier left in me to bring things to a halt before I could simply show up at work one day as Annie, saying "This is me! You gotta problem with that?" I was getting these great responses because these are my friends and family, people who know me and could understand what I've gone through. Any illusions that I would get the same response from my employers (and the general public!) soon evaporated, leaving a view of reality in their place.

There's still so much to do, to prepare for; it's not time yet, and wishing doesn't make it so.

It sure was a nice feeling, though.