I'm back

Okay, okay... once again, I've gone way too long without posting anything here. I'll do a regular update later, but for right now I want to talk about why I haven't been writing.

First, it's important to understand why I write in the first place. There are really a lot of reasons, of varying importance. I write so that my family & friends around the country can keep up with what's going on with me. I write to share things I've learned and experiences I've had with others who may be facing some of the same issues. Sometimes it's to help me understand something better myself; I've found that writing forces me to think about things and clarify issues in my own mind. Part of it is pure ego gratification; it's nice to think that there are people out there reading, and placing some value on what I'm saying.

And sometimes it's from sheer boredom, the lack of anything else to do.

As I was sitting down to write this, I thought the main reason for such a long lapse was the fact that I've actually been pretty busy. I'm working on a couple of websites, going to several support group meetings, and trying to do some new artwork. I also like going out on weekends, and when you consider that I'm away from home for 12 hours every weekday (2 hours to get to work, 8 1/2 hours at work, and an hour and a half to get home), there really isn't much time left.

But that's not the whole story. I have come to realize that the biggest part of why I wrote in the first place was that I had no life.

When you've lived (mumble mumble) years as I have, hiding your feelings and knowing that the "you" everyone knows is a fake, you don't feel much like getting out among people. And the fact that your few friends are married or in relationships and have lives of their own to live doesn't help matters. You find you'd rather do something at home by yourself anyway... like writing.

The name "Annie Social" was appropriate.

Over the last couple of months, though, as I've come to terms with who I am, I've found that I really like being around people! Imagine my shock and surprise... me, actually getting out and making friends and doing stuff.

I've gotten to know a few people that I can go out with, or just hang around and talk to. Rather than going out somewhere on my own, I can call and say, "Hey, whatcha doing tonight?" Last weekend I spent more than 4 hours with an ex-girlfriend, her aunt and two of her cousins just sitting around the kitchen table, talking about me and them and family and babies and clothes and... well, you get the idea. And there's even a guy I've gone out with a couple of times!

Things haven't been perfect; there have been depressing times, and plenty of obstacles thrown in my path. I'll write about all the rotten stuff later, but right now I'm not complaining.

I guess this is all my longwinded way of saying that the reason I haven't written is that I unexpectedly got a life, and I've been busy living it! Don't worry though; I'm still "Annie Social" enough to lock myself in and put pen to paper. Figuratively, anyway.