Stop acting like a guy, part I

For some reason I've recently had a lot of girls ask me online for help and advice on how to "act like a woman". They are self conscious about the way they stand, sit, walk, and so on, and are anxious for any tips I can give them.
I don't take this to mean that I'm some sort of expert, or that I'm really really passable, or anything of the sort. Indeed, most of them have never even seen me in person, so they have no idea if I'm any good at it! I think the reason thay ask me is that I'm pretty open and willing to talk to people, and they're desperate for some decent source of information.
With that in mind, I've put together this seeries of essays. It's a combination of things I've observed myself, things I've been told by others, and things I've dug up on the net. If anyone has anything they feel needs to be added, or if something seems wrong and needs to be changed, let me know.

I think the single most important thing you need to know is that the whole idea of "acting like a woman" is the wrong approach to take. If you act like a woman, you will come across as a man acting like a woman!

I think a much better approach is simply to stop acting like a man.

Those of us who grew up knowing we were really women with the wrong parts were born with all the instincts and feelings to "act" like a woman naturally; the problem is that we learned to supress those instincts and act like guys so we could get along in society. From the words we use to the way we sit, there's an awful lot to un-learn, and the best way to do it is to watch other people.

Let's start with walking. I was surprised to discover that I could immediately tell the gender of a person walking toward me on the street even a full block away, without any cues from hair or clothing style. Guys walk as if they're walking through dangerous territory in a hurry. They lean forward slightly with fists closed, and keep their feet well apart and angled out. The knees are slightly bent. Their arms are somewhat out to the sides, as if always ready to fend off an attacker.

Women, on the other hand, walk with their feet much closer together and pointed straight forward. To accomplish this without twisting their legs in the sockets, their hips rotate back and forth, each side moving forward as the leg swings forward. They lean back slightly, back arched, and take smaller steps with the legs extended. One arm is usually holding onto the strap of a purse, and the other is either crossed in front of the body to hold the purse too, or swingling freely at the side. The hands are open. The elbows are kept close to the body. Most of their weight is on the balls of the feet.

One of the best tricks for getting used to walking like this is to imagine you're wearing a tight knee-length skirt that won't let you take big steps or move your legs too far apart.

Even standing in one place there are big differences. The biggest is that men tend to stand with their weight equally on both feet, feet spaced well apart, and their arms are often crossed. This position makes me think of a London policeman, saying "What's all this, then?"

A woman will tend to stand with her weight on one foot, the other either pointing out to one side or tucked in behind the other. The hip that the weight is on will be thrust out to one side. The arms never both hang at the sides, at least one hand is kept at waist level or above, and the hands are kept open. A woman will hardly ever lean against a wall or lightpost.

Sitting is another big deal. The thing to remember here is that a woman is used to wearing a dress or skirt, and will never sit with her knees spread far apart. In contrast, men seem to want to display their crotches for all the world to see! They will slouch back in a chair, legs spread, and feel perfectly comfortable doing so.

Sitting with your knees together can be difficult for some; crossing the legs at the knee can be nearly impossible if you have very muscular (or fat!) thighs. It may be easier if you keep your back straight, or even lean forward slightly. Experimenting with the exact placement of the foot on the ground can help, too. The alternative is crossing the legs at the ankles; if your knees tend to come apart in this position, try moving the feet well to one side or the other. Keep your hands in your lap and your elbows close to your body.

And don't forget to sit up straight!

To be continued...