Goodbye, Ann

Former Texas governor Ann Richards died Wednesday after a long battle against esophageal cancer. Thousands of people lined up Saturday and Sunday to pay their respects as she lay in state in the Texas capitol. I couldn't be among them, so I want to pay my respects here.

I met her very briefly in 1983, shortly after she had become the Texas state treasurer, the first woman to be elected to statewide office in 50 years. Even in that short meeting, she struck me as a most unusual politician, one who was willing to talk straight and tell the truth, whatever that might be. She was also one of the warmest, funniest, and friendliest people I have ever met.

I watched her over the years as she rose in Texas politics, never compromising the values that made her who she was. Molly Ivins related this story in her column of September 15:

At a long-ago political do at Scholz Garten in Austin, everybody who was anybody was there, meet-in' and greetin' at a furious pace. A group of us got the tired feet and went to lean our rears against a table at the back wall of the bar. Perched like birds in a row were Bob Bullock, then state comptroller; moi; Charles Miles, the head of Bullock's personnel department; and Ms. Ann Richards.

Bullock, with 20 years in Texas politics, knew every sorry, no-good sonofagun in the entire state. Some old racist judge from East Texas came up to him: "Bob, my boy, how are you?"

Bullock said: "Judge, I'd like you to meet my friends. This is Molly Ivins with the Texas Observer."

The judge peered up at me and said, "How yew, little lady?"

Bullock: "And this is Charles Miles, the head of my personnel department."

Miles, who is black, stuck out his hand, and the judge got an expression on his face as though he had just stepped into a fresh cowpie. He reached out and touched Charlie's palm with one finger while turning eagerly to the pretty, blond, blue-eyed Ann. "And who is this lovely lady?"

Ann beamed and replied, "I am Mrs. Miles."

In her keynote speech at the 1988 Democratic National Convention, Richards said:

You know, tonight I feel a little like I did when I played basketball in the 8th grade. I thought I looked real cute in my uniform. And then I heard a boy yell from the bleachers, "Make that basket, Birdlegs." And my greatest fear is that same guy is somewhere out there in the audience tonight, and he's going to cut me down to size, because where I grew up there really wasn’t much tolerance for self-importance, people who put on airs.

That's the kind of person she was.

As governor of Texas, she opened the doors of government to women and minorities. As President Clinton said in his eulogy at the Capitol, without her it would have been extremely unlikely that the honor guard of state troopers who escorted her into the capitol would have been led by "a woman in a cowboy hat".

Clinton went on to say that Richards "really believed we could make a world where everyone could be a winner ... where young girls grew up to be scientists, engineers, police officers and politicians, where people, without regard to color, condition or orientation were treated as God's children, where the dreams and the spirit were as big as the sky in her beloved home."

She made a difference in the world, and that's as much as anyone can hope for. She will be missed.


Molly Ivins' column can be read at http://www.dfw.com/mld/startelegram/news/columnists/molly_ivins/

The full text and audio of Richards' 1988 keynote speech is available at http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/annrichards1988dnc.htm

The family requests that memorial gifts be made to the Ann Richards School for Young Women Leaders through the Austin Community Foundation, P.O. Box 5159, Austin, Texas 78763, 512-472-4483, or by e-mail: austincommunityfoundation.org.

Stop acting like a guy, part I

For some reason I've recently had a lot of girls ask me online for help and advice on how to "act like a woman". They are self conscious about the way they stand, sit, walk, and so on, and are anxious for any tips I can give them.
I don't take this to mean that I'm some sort of expert, or that I'm really really passable, or anything of the sort. Indeed, most of them have never even seen me in person, so they have no idea if I'm any good at it! I think the reason thay ask me is that I'm pretty open and willing to talk to people, and they're desperate for some decent source of information.
With that in mind, I've put together this seeries of essays. It's a combination of things I've observed myself, things I've been told by others, and things I've dug up on the net. If anyone has anything they feel needs to be added, or if something seems wrong and needs to be changed, let me know.

I think the single most important thing you need to know is that the whole idea of "acting like a woman" is the wrong approach to take. If you act like a woman, you will come across as a man acting like a woman!

I think a much better approach is simply to stop acting like a man.

Those of us who grew up knowing we were really women with the wrong parts were born with all the instincts and feelings to "act" like a woman naturally; the problem is that we learned to supress those instincts and act like guys so we could get along in society. From the words we use to the way we sit, there's an awful lot to un-learn, and the best way to do it is to watch other people.

Let's start with walking. I was surprised to discover that I could immediately tell the gender of a person walking toward me on the street even a full block away, without any cues from hair or clothing style. Guys walk as if they're walking through dangerous territory in a hurry. They lean forward slightly with fists closed, and keep their feet well apart and angled out. The knees are slightly bent. Their arms are somewhat out to the sides, as if always ready to fend off an attacker.

Women, on the other hand, walk with their feet much closer together and pointed straight forward. To accomplish this without twisting their legs in the sockets, their hips rotate back and forth, each side moving forward as the leg swings forward. They lean back slightly, back arched, and take smaller steps with the legs extended. One arm is usually holding onto the strap of a purse, and the other is either crossed in front of the body to hold the purse too, or swingling freely at the side. The hands are open. The elbows are kept close to the body. Most of their weight is on the balls of the feet.

One of the best tricks for getting used to walking like this is to imagine you're wearing a tight knee-length skirt that won't let you take big steps or move your legs too far apart.

Even standing in one place there are big differences. The biggest is that men tend to stand with their weight equally on both feet, feet spaced well apart, and their arms are often crossed. This position makes me think of a London policeman, saying "What's all this, then?"

A woman will tend to stand with her weight on one foot, the other either pointing out to one side or tucked in behind the other. The hip that the weight is on will be thrust out to one side. The arms never both hang at the sides, at least one hand is kept at waist level or above, and the hands are kept open. A woman will hardly ever lean against a wall or lightpost.

Sitting is another big deal. The thing to remember here is that a woman is used to wearing a dress or skirt, and will never sit with her knees spread far apart. In contrast, men seem to want to display their crotches for all the world to see! They will slouch back in a chair, legs spread, and feel perfectly comfortable doing so.

Sitting with your knees together can be difficult for some; crossing the legs at the knee can be nearly impossible if you have very muscular (or fat!) thighs. It may be easier if you keep your back straight, or even lean forward slightly. Experimenting with the exact placement of the foot on the ground can help, too. The alternative is crossing the legs at the ankles; if your knees tend to come apart in this position, try moving the feet well to one side or the other. Keep your hands in your lap and your elbows close to your body.

And don't forget to sit up straight!

To be continued...

As Time Goes By

This weekend marks the first anniversary of the defining moment in my current life; it was one year ago that I made the decision to transition.



As i've written before, it was in the first part of last year that it slowly began to dawn on me that transition was actually possible. By summer I was figuring out who I was and was going to be. In mid August I got up the nerve to venture out in public for the first time.

Being myself, and being accepted as myself by other people, was an amazing, intoxicating experience. For the first time in my life I felt free of all pretense, able to do and say what I felt.

People who have never been through it can't even imagine what it's like spending your whole life being someone you're not. The sense of relief at no longer having to hide inside another persona was one of the strongest emotions I've ever felt; each evening the muscles of my face would ache from the huge grin I was wearing.

After two weekends of going to the club, stopping into a restaurant on the way home, buying things at a convenience store, and all the other little things that others take for granted as normal life, I knew I had to transition; I had to finally be true to myself.

That was been exactly one year ago. In the wee hours of Monday morning, I emailed for a therapist's appointment. I had begun my journey. (For those who are unfamiliar with the process: three months of counseling are required before being allowed to begin hormone therapy. I began in December.)

Thinking back to that weekend a year ago, I reallize that it was a lot like stepping off a cliff. You take the leap, trusting that you've made the right decision. Changes happen slowly at first, but gravity has its way and the pace accelerates. Transition takes on a momentum of its own, almost beyond your control, and the best thing you can do is to just hang on and enjoy the ride.

A year ago I couldn't have imagined that I'd be where I am now. My body has changed in major ways. My feelings and wants and needs and emotions are so different. I'm tantalizingly close to living full-time, being out to everyone I know except my employers. And my face still aches sometimes from smiling.

I'm not even going to try to guess what the next year will bring.