No more hiding

Possibly the biggest milestone of my transition so far occurred this past week. Not only was I not expecting it to happen when it did, but it happened in a way I never expected.

Thursday the 12th I was at work when one of the owners came in and was obviously angry. A personal project I had worked on for him was screwed up; he thought he had communicated that it had to be 12 feet long, while I was under the impression that it was 15 feet. It was unusable as it was, and had to be re-done and reprinted. He went off on me rather badly and, I thought, undeservedly. I had done a perfect job with the information I thought was correct.

I reworked it, and took the disk into his office. I told him in no uncertain terms that I didn't appreciate the way he had treated me, and it soon turned into a shouting match ending with him telling me to get out. As I left, it hit me: I was unemployed, but that meant that I no longer had to go to work as a guy! I knew before I even got out the door that wherever I went to work next, it would be as Annie.

I spent Friday and the weekend updating my resume and sending in job applications. I had to find something else, and soon. Through it all, however, there was a giddy elation: I was finally me! I may have been out of work, but it was me that was out of work!

Monday morning as I was about to leave to put in more applications, the phone rang. It was my direct supervisor, and she wanted to see if I would come in and talk about the possibility of coming back to work.

I agreed, and after calling my counselor for her advice, I decided on a course of action. I would explain to them that there were three things I would need to come back to work: an understanding that there wouldn't be a repeat of the incident that set me off in the first place, a significant raise, and that I would work as Annie. You have to remember that they knew nothing of my transition. They knew I was changing, and a bit odd, but they didn't know why.

I walked in after lunchtime, and we all sat down to discuss it. I talked about the incident, my need for more money, and then I dropped the bombshell. I explained my whole situation: my GID, the therapy I was undergoing, the fact that I had been Annie outside of work for months, all of it. I was in tears by the time I was done, but I made it clear that if I were to come back, it would be as Annie, not the guy they had known.

I expected that they would need time to think it over and discuss it, but to my surprise one of the owners looked around the table and said, "I think I can say right now that we don't have a problem with any of that." As you can well imagine, the tears came even stronger now.

We talked about things for a few more minutes, then I left with my feet about eighteen inches off the ground. The next morning, the 17th, I showed up for work as myself for the first time.

Everyone was wonderful. I was welcomed back, with a couple of people coming up to me and telling me they thought it was great that I was doing this, and one made a point of telling me that she knew of no one at the company who had any problem with it. Everyone seems to be trying hard to get used to using the new name and the correct pronouns. And the company has gained a fiercely loyal employee.

Looking back on the whole situation, I realize that it went just as the rest of my transition has; despite my trepidations and fears for the worst, I have yet to experience a bad reaction! Knowing the horrors that others have gone through and are still going through just makes me appreciate even more just how incredibly lucky I have been.