The Name Game

Well, it's finally official.

On March 28 I filed for my legal name change. It had taken a while to save the money, and a bit longer to obtain and fill out the forms (including the full address of every place I'd ever lived, and I've had more residences than some people have had pants). I was fingerprinted and sworn, paid my money, and sat back to wait... and wait... and wait.

I was told it would probably take about 6 weeks. Other people I knew had theirs in about that time, and one famous person I knew had hers (with the help of an attorney) in a few days. So when it reached 8 weeks and I hadn't heard anything, I tried calling the "Pro Se" number at the courthouse.

The Pro Se number is the number that puts you in touch with the one underpaid overworked person at the courthouse who deals with people who are handling their own cases. "Pro Se" is Latin for "poor schlub who can't afford a lawyer to take care of all this crap for her".

After a week of trying during breaks and lunch hours, I finally got through to this seemingly mythical person and gave her my case number. She put me on hold for several minutes, then came back to announce, "Oh, I'm sorry, hun... apparently no one bothered to take your files up to the Judges' offices. I'll send it today. Check back in 6 weeks or so."

About 3 weeks later, my hopes were raised by an official letter from the Court. Those hopes lasted just as long as it took to open and read it:

"Hello! The form you filled out for your change of name was outdated. You will need to provide us with the following additional information..."

Another letter was sent and the waiting process began anew. Another seven weeks passed, and still nothing. After a few days of fruitless dialing, I reached the Pro Se lady again. "Hold on a minute while I check on that, hun..." A Muzak version of Sweet Child of Mine plays over the phone... "Hi again. Well, you're not going to believe this... no one sent your added information up to the Judges! I'll make sure it goes today. Check back in a few weeks, hun... don't wait so long this time!"

Some 30 minutes later the steam stopped shooting from my ears.

Several weeks passed, and I decided to take the lady's advice and call sooner. I tried 3 times that Wednesday, and never got through. I resolved to try again the next day.

I had long ago developed a habit of holding my breath as I opened the mailbox in front of my porch. This day was like every other, except that this time there was another letter from the Court. It seemed too light to be the final judgment; I assumed there was yet another piece of information they needed, or that I was being summoned to appear in court. I ripped it open.

"ORDERED that the Petitioner's present name... is changed to ANN ELIZABETH SKINNER, by which Petitioner shall hereafter be known."

My reaction surprised me... I had thought that I would be jumping up and down, laughing and shouting for everything I'm worth. Instead, I immediately teared up.

I felt an immense sense of relief. It was as if I were a contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and I'd just passed one of those levels where even if I missed the next question, I at least had this much. No matter what else happens, they can't take this away from me. One of my worst nightmares (which I wrote about a year ago) can't happen now.

I'm finally me.